I think I figured it out. My database is hosted with GoDaddy. I noticed that direct access to the database was not enabled. I must have missed that when I set it up. As a result, I have to export what I have, create a new database with direct access enabled, and then re-import the database. I realized this when I found a table in the database called information_schema and it had a user permission entry. GoDaddy said that this permission could not be enabled after the fact, unfortunately. Additionally, the structure of the table information_schema is totally alien with no comments, so there's no way to know how to edit it. I hope this helps anyone else who might read this: make sure you enable direct access when creating the database to begin with!
