i figured out how to use the Charges tab to do what i wanted; mainly because i wanted the Monogramming charge to be added at the bottom, as a separate charge. Since monogramming is the only charge added, i changed the text to 'Monogramming Charges'.
And shipping rules are based on the cart total and since the client did not want monogramming to be counted as part of the total for shipping, i could make the shipping rules be figured on the cart subtotal to exclude monogramming charge.
see the page here
add an item or two to the cart with monogramming info filled out to see charges.
eCart4 is a GREAT PRODUCT!