Could you attach your page so I can take a look at it? I'm using the latest version of the extension and don't have the issue where entering the client validation doesn't inspect the previously applied validation code correctly.
Validation toolkit has always referenced the forms using the forms array. Not sure why you would have an issue with it.
As far as I can recall, there isn't a don't allow first selection option. The validations are based off the value, not where it is in the select list.
