I agree with you entirely Mike,
I sometimes feel that the techie types - especially at WebAssist - are genetically incapable of understanding the difficulties that starters have with all of this stuff. Hence the length of some of these threads - when people have to keep posting back to try to get the 'pros' to explain what their last explanation actually meant. It can be like trying to get blood from a stone around here.
Someone from WebAssist could have simply said, 'have you tried: '$hostname_localhost = "localhost";' ?'
But no, that would be damn obvious for these guys.
And yes, computers can be cows.